Friday, March 21, 2008

Keno Addict Admits Shame

A local Keno temptress has fell off the gambling wagon and joined the ranks of women at the Vinings Senior Citizen Academy of Gamblers Anonymous Over The Chatahoochee Line and Also Over 55 Years Old Club. The machines paid off well today at the Picadilly, awarding Ms. Scott $1.25 big ones. Congrats chica!It really is an amazing coincidence considering her po-folks won 10 thousand pennies in the Arkansas "Lot" back in 87' puttin lil' Laura through college in which she gained her Home Economics degree.

Spaghetti Dinner

This just in. Cotton Mill Lofts looted. High school algebra books stolen, along with mom's monthly check.

Guess which Atlanta educator is trying to cash in on the newly moved out of the parents house free-for-all? Find out who after the jump.


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Looks like 'Ol-Tornado-Bee-Bee-Face is trying to get a new dining room set on some Georgia State kid's dime. Seriously dude, don't think four IKEA chairs will fit in that Oscar de La Renta bag.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

It's A Long Fall When You're Already Wet

In a desperate attempt at Thinspiration, droves of local gals are turning to the latest craze: Drunkorexica. Straight from across the pond, this is the act of replacing meals with wine and beer in hopes of saving calories and fitting into those skinny, high-wasted jeans.

While still on the downlow, it seems a City Senorita is taking the trend a bit too far. Below are photos from a single day. Each one taken at a different meal.

Breakfast


Lunch


Dinner


Snack


Let's hope her plan works before it's time for Macy's after Easter sale.

Twister Hits Atlanta

Monday, March 17, 2008

ATLWeekly Turns Numero Uno Douches!!!!!

That's right fools. We've actually managed to upLOAD enough bullshit onto this site and make-up enough crap to reach our one year mark. We're proud, we're gloating, and not-at-all surprised by our obvious success.

After endless minutes of consideration, we've decided that ATL's most prestigious honor-to-date has to be the following post. Sadly, the original photo was lost during this past weekends unfortunate twister, so we've constructed a new one to reinact actual events.

All of you Atlantans are superstars to us, but only one of you was actually chosen by Christian Dior to model their runway show in Gay Pari. Only one of you managed to combine high fashion, sex appeal, homosexuality, and controversy all in one year. This makes choosing ATLWeekly's one year anniversary post a breeze.

And to THE DESIGNER, THE MODEL, AND BRONNER BROS CARROT OIL, we are so thankful for giving us another hole to ram!
WE LOVE YOU ATL!!!!!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Hitchhikers Beware

Any guesses on which fit-and-fine Atlantan took to the roadways this past week with just a duffel bag, two dreams, and a Snickers bar? Find out who after the jump.
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That's right, you guessed it...it's him, ATLWeekly's most over-exposed fame seeker, BenAgain.

The New Menudo

The four poptarts chosen for stardom as the new faces of the boy band Menudo were revealed today on MTV. Here's your first sneak peek at the boys who will be gracing the covers of Tiger Beat soon...

Porn Pokes the Scene


Recent speculation of rocker T-Chung and his pornography past has sent the local music scene into damage control mode. Scattering to keep this frontman and his bandmates from fading into a pool of saturated controversy, the community is gathering together to show support for local favorites The Selmanaires. However, since this story broke, some disloyal cowards are trying to make a buck out of any-and-all scandalous Chung images. We encourage everyone to just grow up and concentrate on what's most important, the music.

Mail Bag - A Letter from ATL's Bloodiest Threat

To whom it may concern,

May I begin that the Criplantans organization understands and appreciates the role that ATLWeekly plays in our hood. We also, whole heartedly, believe in the media's unquestionable right to report on the news as it sees fit, without fear of censure.

However, the members of the Criplantans request, that in the future, no "identifiable" photographs of members be published. We feel that the recent article, "Pop!Pop!," a fair and accurate account of recent gang activity, went to far in publishing current photos of active gang members.

This request is honestly made with the safety of members and their families in mind. The Criplantans look forward to the future of these SE ATL streets we call home. We believe in the future of our brotherhood and ATLWeekly Magazine, and the great things we can accomplish as a community.

Besides... we know where you bitches live.

Sincerely,

Delicious Benjamin Love
Criplantans

P.S. We also think y'all bitches is hot, so holla!