Scenseter Turns JC Penny Model

It is hard to sum up what magnificent occurences have occurred in the past years time, but it's only fair to turn to our most over-exposed, most progressed ATL-Weekly fave, and follow his progress. Since his days on our scene, he has turned OUR exposure into his own individual success. Modeling JC's newest line of denim faves, take a lookie at Ben Throwies successes. Bandana included at an extra charge. To get his look, go to: jcpenny.com/jcp/bigboyhuggernutters.com

Don't Call it a Cumback

We're back bitches! It's obvious it has been a tumultuos year...break-ups, break-ins, pregnancies, relationships begun and begot. And we take responsibility for our abscence on the social scene. It has been hard carrying 400ml of amniotic fluid for 40 weeks, and raising pre-atl tots, still trying to sustain a hold on what most matters...life at El Myr, the Earl, 529 (wtf is that?), and other hot spots. But we're back in the game, sporadically, to provide you with the underscore of what really occurs....the "what, Whattt?" of life in the scene that you try so hard to decipher.

Disclaimer: Staff photographers/moles needed. Contact at atlweekly@yahoo.com. Otherwise I'm stealing shit off facebook.

Transgender's Pollute the Dirty Dirty

Local starlette Slug Scott recently went under the knife at Emory Medical Center, the most credible experimental surgery locale in the city. She's been contemplating this gender transformation for sometime now, but no one anticipated this Nip/Tuck quite so soon.

The permanent birthmark on the eye diminishes all speculation that this surgery didn't occur. You tell us, was the surgery a success? Did this sex-pot turn the corner to hot-piece-o-penis? Pictures below the belt will be released at a later date.

Papers filed at the Fulton County Courthouse show it's name has been changed to 'Larry Jay Scott'.

Bitch Bangin

It was a total shock in the community when local rocker M.Lo was found incomprehensible during a wild night of partying in St. Simons Island. Gang Bangin was always a part of the community calender, but no on ever assumed Ruffies would be used and a Mexicano would be taken advantage of. Toxicology reports confirm that M.Lo was abused (yes i'm watching a.m.w. as i type this) and d.n.a. confirms three sluts took advantage of him.

Sadness Hits the U.S.A.

Either you're in "the know" or in "the not". It has to be "one or the other". Despite your social stature, you had to hear this week that Brangelina had their two AMAZING BABIES OF BEAUTIFUL GRACE. And then other outlets, reported that our truly CHERISHED SPAWN OF THE MAGNIFICENT didn't manifest. Here you see a picture of community members responding to the news of the latter. It was truly devastating.

Obvious Breakdown

It seems after constant turmoil in the new Atlanta band "Tornado Town", we've found America's Pete Doherty. Obviously blessed with talent and good looks, Tornado Town's Ben ThrowHer has had enough with the drama and contant ego manipulation of chasing the scene. We know he's got what it takes, but these pics show our fave lady-lover-looker-player-band-player-swinger is about to check into rehab. We see a mental breakdown on the horizon. Check it. You tell us, does our wine-swiggin boy need head medz or just some teeth bleechin?

Rocker Face Off

Tonight Dry Ink Magazine celebrates its 2-year anniversary with a star-studded event at The Star Bar. Rumor has it that Scott Baio is in town and will show up to support the All Night Drug Prowling Wolves on-stage with some back up vocals.
The Wolves are reportedly super nervous about Baio upstaging their performance. The intimidation is only heightened by Baio's extensive music career, spanning back to 1982 with this record album that shot up the billboard charts. During this era, Baio reportedly received 5,000 letters a week from adoring fans.

Modern War Quartet

BREAKING NEWS ALERT! We've just been informed there's a new underground rift rising up in the ATL. And this ain't between the Crip-lantans and The Dick-haters. "The Front Room" of MJQ has declared war on "The Back Room"! Holy fucking shit!

Going in "The Front Room" has long been considered committing Hipster Hari kari. But now the F wants to revive its late '90s glory days, and it seems the only way to steal this scene is to take on "The Back Room". And what better way to do so than by leaving a note on one of those poles outside Green's Package. Our street team delivered it to our offices a few moments ago...

Dear Back Room and The Stupid Unicorn,

Y'all are bitches. We were here first. WE had the make-out room. WE ruled Brit-pop (you don't even know what that shit is). WE had that fucking hole in the girls bathroom where you could see in the guys. What do you have except douchey bands and flat ironed hair? Hmm? Fuck this shit. We hate y'all.

Love (NOT),
The Front Room

So yeah, you heard it here first. We'll keep you updated with any developments.

Local Woman Charged With Over-Feeding Pussies

Blonde Bombshell K-Hutch-Sanchez was charged in East Point this morning for over-feeding local cats in her neighborhood. Known for her fatal aggression towards these gentle creatures, local residents claimed that they weren't surprised at all to find out who was behind this sinister plot.

Hundreds of cases of Whiskas, a brand of cat food high in fat content, were seized after a thorough search of Ms. Sanchez' property and basement. An anonymous source, who gave testimony two-doors-down-on-the-left of the scene, reported over-hearing Ms. Hutch-Sanchez saying "I was trying to explode 'em!".

Locals are perplexed by such bizarre behavior. A neighborhood association meeting is scheduled for Saturday at 11 a.m. An episode of 'Celebrity Fit Club' will air immediately following.

See The Difference?

+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
Nope. We didn't either.

Keno Addict Admits Shame

A local Keno temptress has fell off the gambling wagon and joined the ranks of women at the Vinings Senior Citizen Academy of Gamblers Anonymous Over The Chatahoochee Line and Also Over 55 Years Old Club. The machines paid off well today at the Picadilly, awarding Ms. Scott $1.25 big ones. Congrats chica!It really is an amazing coincidence considering her po-folks won 10 thousand pennies in the Arkansas "Lot" back in 87' puttin lil' Laura through college in which she gained her Home Economics degree.

Spaghetti Dinner

This just in. Cotton Mill Lofts looted. High school algebra books stolen, along with mom's monthly check.

Guess which Atlanta educator is trying to cash in on the newly moved out of the parents house free-for-all? Find out who after the jump.


+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+

Looks like 'Ol-Tornado-Bee-Bee-Face is trying to get a new dining room set on some Georgia State kid's dime. Seriously dude, don't think four IKEA chairs will fit in that Oscar de La Renta bag.

It's A Long Fall When You're Already Wet

In a desperate attempt at Thinspiration, droves of local gals are turning to the latest craze: Drunkorexica. Straight from across the pond, this is the act of replacing meals with wine and beer in hopes of saving calories and fitting into those skinny, high-wasted jeans.

While still on the downlow, it seems a City Senorita is taking the trend a bit too far. Below are photos from a single day. Each one taken at a different meal.

Breakfast


Lunch


Dinner


Snack


Let's hope her plan works before it's time for Macy's after Easter sale.

Twister Hits Atlanta

ATLWeekly Turns Numero Uno Douches!!!!!

That's right fools. We've actually managed to upLOAD enough bullshit onto this site and make-up enough crap to reach our one year mark. We're proud, we're gloating, and not-at-all surprised by our obvious success.

After endless minutes of consideration, we've decided that ATL's most prestigious honor-to-date has to be the following post. Sadly, the original photo was lost during this past weekends unfortunate twister, so we've constructed a new one to reinact actual events.

All of you Atlantans are superstars to us, but only one of you was actually chosen by Christian Dior to model their runway show in Gay Pari. Only one of you managed to combine high fashion, sex appeal, homosexuality, and controversy all in one year. This makes choosing ATLWeekly's one year anniversary post a breeze.

And to THE DESIGNER, THE MODEL, AND BRONNER BROS CARROT OIL, we are so thankful for giving us another hole to ram!
WE LOVE YOU ATL!!!!!

Hitchhikers Beware

Any guesses on which fit-and-fine Atlantan took to the roadways this past week with just a duffel bag, two dreams, and a Snickers bar? Find out who after the jump.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+

That's right, you guessed it...it's him, ATLWeekly's most over-exposed fame seeker, BenAgain.

The New Menudo

The four poptarts chosen for stardom as the new faces of the boy band Menudo were revealed today on MTV. Here's your first sneak peek at the boys who will be gracing the covers of Tiger Beat soon...

Porn Pokes the Scene

Recent speculation of rocker T-Chung and his pornography past has sent the local music scene into damage control mode. Scattering to keep this frontman and his bandmates from fading into a pool of saturated controversy, the community is gathering together to show support for local favorites The Selmanaires. However, since this story broke, some disloyal cowards are trying to make a buck out of any-and-all scandalous Chung images. We encourage everyone to just grow up and concentrate on what's most important, the music.

Mail Bag - A Letter from ATL's Bloodiest Threat

To whom it may concern,

May I begin that the Criplantans organization understands and appreciates the role that ATLWeekly plays in our hood. We also, whole heartedly, believe in the media's unquestionable right to report on the news as it sees fit, without fear of censure.

However, the members of the Criplantans request, that in the future, no "identifiable" photographs of members be published. We feel that the recent article, "Pop!Pop!," a fair and accurate account of recent gang activity, went to far in publishing current photos of active gang members.

This request is honestly made with the safety of members and their families in mind. The Criplantans look forward to the future of these SE ATL streets we call home. We believe in the future of our brotherhood and ATLWeekly Magazine, and the great things we can accomplish as a community.

Besides... we know where you bitches live.

Sincerely,

Delicious Benjamin Love
Criplantans

P.S. We also think y'all bitches is hot, so holla!

Pop! Pop!

There's a turf war rising up in the back streets of the ATL. Seems the city folks are angry at Decatur for letting peeps drink 'til 4am. What started as an innocent egging of Trackside has now turned into a full blown conflict. And it looks like things are about to get worse...


Two Criplantans were seen at the Walmart on Howell Mill stocking up on new Ammo. Guess they really want those Dick-haters to know 2am is it! Watch your back, people. Your antique stores and Ruby Tuesdays ain't got nothing on Atlantic Station.

American Loser

Today at ATL headquarters, Fantasia Barino has stopped by and is belting out tracks in another room preparing for her upcoming tour. Our office is typically flushed with informants, today being no exception. One of our whistle-blowers, now deaf too, had the following synopsis of her vocal ability..."it's like a wild horse being stabbed over and over". We agree.

Duluth Hookers Revealed

Everyone remembers the prostitution ring that wreaked havoc amongst Duluth residents back in January of last year. Loud parties, sexily clad women in the driveway, constant cUMings and goings...but it wasn't till den madams, "Melissa Wolf" (former Penthouse Pet) and "Naughty Nikki" got busted on the www for advertising services that ranged from $300 one-hour photo shoots to "dream dates" that included 1 hour sHOws...that feces hit the fan (run-on-sentence).

The Sugarloaf Country Club mansion was raded and months later these LET.ME.SUCK.YOU.RAW residents were indicted on drug, prostitution, and racketeering charges. Oddly enough you thought this story was over...until now.

Exclusively we've learned that top ATL HO-NO's KHutch and LizBo have been questioned by authorities in connection with this ring. Incriminating photos of their excapades were seized when the APD invaded their homes, and we must say, we're pretty convinced these laIDes have definitely been poking someone-not-right's pickle.

Morning Aches

The Three-Legged Cowboy Club reunited last night for their annual manhole meeting at The Earl. Spies snapped a shot of the events' most flavorful attention-grabbers. After this pic was taken, we're told they backed-up to the bar where they deep-throated Sex on the Beach shooters, then rushed over to Traders for their Buy-One-Take-3/4-Off Sale.

Lip Augmentation?

Is it just us, or are these two having work done?

Sign This Shit

You'd think it was 1908 and we were still makin' snake juice in backwoods moonshine stills. But it ain't. It's 2008 and we need to get us some beer on Sundays.

If not for the comment below alone, please sign the petition HERE to allow for Sunday alcohol sales:

"We're clearly going to respond. We have to," said Georgia Christian Coalition President Jim Beck. "We will obviously be letting everybody know the death merchants are back at work."

Do they not know that we're still up Sunday morning so technically it's still Saturday to us!

Sign it.