ATLWeekly

Scenseter Turns JC Penny Model

2010-03-05T20:11:00.001-08:00

It is hard to sum up what magnificent occurences have occurred in the past years time, but it's only fair to turn to our most over-exposed, most progressed ATL-Weekly fave, and follow his progress. Since his days on our scene, he has turned OUR exposure into his own individual success. Modeling JC's newest line of denim faves, take a lookie at Ben Throwies successes. Bandana included at an extra charge. To get his look, go to: jcpenny.com/jcp/bigboyhuggernutters.com

Don't Call it a Cumback

2010-03-05T20:00:00.000-08:00

We're back bitches! It's obvious it has been a tumultuos year...break-ups, break-ins, pregnancies, relationships begun and begot. And we take responsibility for our abscence on the social scene. It has been hard carrying 400ml of amniotic fluid for 40 weeks, and raising pre-atl tots, still trying to sustain a hold on what most matters...life at El Myr, the Earl, 529 (wtf is that?), and other hot spots. But we're back in the game, sporadically, to provide you with the underscore of what really occurs....the "what, Whattt?" of life in the scene that you try so hard to decipher.

Disclaimer: Staff photographers/moles needed. Contact at atlweekly@yahoo.com. Otherwise I'm stealing shit off facebook.

Transgender's Pollute the Dirty Dirty

2008-06-19T19:32:00.000-07:00

Local starlette Slug Scott recently went under the knife at Emory Medical Center, the most credible experimental surgery locale in the city. She's been contemplating this gender transformation for sometime now, but no one anticipated this Nip/Tuck quite so soon.

The permanent birthmark on the eye diminishes all speculation that this surgery didn't occur. You tell us, was the surgery a success? Did this sex-pot turn the corner to hot-piece-o-penis? Pictures below the belt will be released at a later date.

Papers filed at the Fulton County Courthouse show it's name has been changed to 'Larry Jay Scott'.

Bitch Bangin

2008-06-01T01:01:00.000-07:00

It was a total shock in the community when local rocker M.Lo was found incomprehensible during a wild night of partying in St. Simons Island. Gang Bangin was always a part of the community calender, but no on ever assumed Ruffies would be used and a Mexicano would be taken advantage of. Toxicology reports confirm that M.Lo was abused (yes i'm watching a.m.w. as i type this) and d.n.a. confirms three sluts took advantage of him.

Sadness Hits the U.S.A.

2008-06-01T00:49:00.000-07:00

Either you're in "the know" or in "the not". It has to be "one or the other". Despite your social stature, you had to hear this week that Brangelina had their two AMAZING BABIES OF BEAUTIFUL GRACE. And then other outlets, reported that our truly CHERISHED SPAWN OF THE MAGNIFICENT didn't manifest. Here you see a picture of community members responding to the news of the latter. It was truly devastating.

Obvious Breakdown

2008-06-01T00:42:00.001-07:00

It seems after constant turmoil in the new Atlanta band "Tornado Town", we've found America's Pete Doherty. Obviously blessed with talent and good looks, Tornado Town's Ben ThrowHer has had enough with the drama and contant ego manipulation of chasing the scene. We know he's got what it takes, but these pics show our fave lady-lover-looker-player-band-player-swinger is about to check into rehab. We see a mental breakdown on the horizon. Check it. You tell us, does our wine-swiggin boy need head medz or just some teeth bleechin?

Rocker Face Off

2008-04-23T20:56:00.000-07:00

Tonight Dry Ink Magazine celebrates its 2-year anniversary with a star-studded event at The Star Bar. Rumor has it that Scott Baio is in town and will show up to support the All Night Drug Prowling Wolves on-stage with some back up vocals.
The Wolves are reportedly super nervous about Baio upstaging their performance. The intimidation is only heightened by Baio's extensive music career, spanning back to 1982 with this record album that shot up the billboard charts. During this era, Baio reportedly received 5,000 letters a week from adoring fans.

Modern War Quartet

2008-04-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

BREAKING NEWS ALERT! We've just been informed there's a new underground rift rising up in the ATL. And this ain't between the Crip-lantans and The Dick-haters. "The Front Room" of MJQ has declared war on "The Back Room"! Holy fucking shit!

Going in "The Front Room" has long been considered committing Hipster Hari kari. But now the F wants to revive its late '90s glory days, and it seems the only way to steal this scene is to take on "The Back Room". And what better way to do so than by leaving a note on one of those poles outside Green's Package. Our street team delivered it to our offices a few moments ago...

Dear Back Room and The Stupid Unicorn,

Y'all are bitches. We were here first. WE had the make-out room. WE ruled Brit-pop (you don't even know what that shit is). WE had that fucking hole in the girls bathroom where you could see in the guys. What do you have except douchey bands and flat ironed hair? Hmm? Fuck this shit. We hate y'all.

Love (NOT),
The Front Room

So yeah, you heard it here first. We'll keep you updated with any developments.

Local Woman Charged With Over-Feeding Pussies

2008-04-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

Blonde Bombshell K-Hutch-Sanchez was charged in East Point this morning for over-feeding local cats in her neighborhood. Known for her fatal aggression towards these gentle creatures, local residents claimed that they weren't surprised at all to find out who was behind this sinister plot.

Hundreds of cases of Whiskas, a brand of cat food high in fat content, were seized after a thorough search of Ms. Sanchez' property and basement. An anonymous source, who gave testimony two-doors-down-on-the-left of the scene, reported over-hearing Ms. Hutch-Sanchez saying "I was trying to explode 'em!".

Locals are perplexed by such bizarre behavior. A neighborhood association meeting is scheduled for Saturday at 11 a.m. An episode of 'Celebrity Fit Club' will air immediately following.

See The Difference?

2008-04-08T20:40:00.000-07:00

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Nope. We didn't either.

Keno Addict Admits Shame

2008-03-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

A local Keno temptress has fell off the gambling wagon and joined the ranks of women at the Vinings Senior Citizen Academy of Gamblers Anonymous Over The Chatahoochee Line and Also Over 55 Years Old Club. The machines paid off well today at the Picadilly, awarding Ms. Scott $1.25 big ones. Congrats chica!It really is an amazing coincidence considering her po-folks won 10 thousand pennies in the Arkansas "Lot" back in 87' puttin lil' Laura through college in which she gained her Home Economics degree.

Spaghetti Dinner

2008-03-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

This just in. Cotton Mill Lofts looted. High school algebra books stolen, along with mom's monthly check.

Guess which Atlanta educator is trying to cash in on the newly moved out of the parents house free-for-all? Find out who after the jump.

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Looks like 'Ol-Tornado-Bee-Bee-Face is trying to get a new dining room set on some Georgia State kid's dime. Seriously dude, don't think four IKEA chairs will fit in that Oscar de La Renta bag.

It's A Long Fall When You're Already Wet

2008-03-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

In a desperate attempt at Thinspiration, droves of local gals are turning to the latest craze: Drunkorexica. Straight from across the pond, this is the act of replacing meals with wine and beer in hopes of saving calories and fitting into those skinny, high-wasted jeans.

While still on the downlow, it seems a City Senorita is taking the trend a bit too far. Below are photos from a single day. Each one taken at a different meal.

Breakfast

Lunch

Dinner

Snack

Let's hope her plan works before it's time for Macy's after Easter sale.

Twister Hits Atlanta

2008-03-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

ATLWeekly Turns Numero Uno Douches!!!!!

2008-03-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

That's right fools. We've actually managed to upLOAD enough bullshit onto this site and make-up enough crap to reach our one year mark. We're proud, we're gloating, and not-at-all surprised by our obvious success.

After endless minutes of consideration, we've decided that ATL's most prestigious honor-to-date has to be the following post. Sadly, the original photo was lost during this past weekends unfortunate twister, so we've constructed a new one to reinact actual events.

All of you Atlantans are superstars to us, but only one of you was actually chosen by Christian Dior to model their runway show in Gay Pari. Only one of you managed to combine high fashion, sex appeal, homosexuality, and controversy all in one year. This makes choosing ATLWeekly's one year anniversary post a breeze.

And to THE DESIGNER, THE MODEL, AND BRONNER BROS CARROT OIL, we are so thankful for giving us another hole to ram!
WE LOVE YOU ATL!!!!!

Hitchhikers Beware

2008-03-12T09:02:00.000-07:00

Any guesses on which fit-and-fine Atlantan took to the roadways this past week with just a duffel bag, two dreams, and a Snickers bar? Find out who after the jump.
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That's right, you guessed it...it's him, ATLWeekly's most over-exposed fame seeker, BenAgain.

The New Menudo

2008-03-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

The four poptarts chosen for stardom as the new faces of the boy band Menudo were revealed today on MTV. Here's your first sneak peek at the boys who will be gracing the covers of Tiger Beat soon...

Porn Pokes the Scene

2008-03-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

Recent speculation of rocker T-Chung and his pornography past has sent the local music scene into damage control mode. Scattering to keep this frontman and his bandmates from fading into a pool of saturated controversy, the community is gathering together to show support for local favorites The Selmanaires. However, since this story broke, some disloyal cowards are trying to make a buck out of any-and-all scandalous Chung images. We encourage everyone to just grow up and concentrate on what's most important, the music.

Mail Bag - A Letter from ATL's Bloodiest Threat

2008-03-12T07:51:00.000-07:00

To whom it may concern,

May I begin that the Criplantans organization understands and appreciates the role that ATLWeekly plays in our hood. We also, whole heartedly, believe in the media's unquestionable right to report on the news as it sees fit, without fear of censure.

However, the members of the Criplantans request, that in the future, no "identifiable" photographs of members be published. We feel that the recent article, "Pop!Pop!," a fair and accurate account of recent gang activity, went to far in publishing current photos of active gang members.

This request is honestly made with the safety of members and their families in mind. The Criplantans look forward to the future of these SE ATL streets we call home. We believe in the future of our brotherhood and ATLWeekly Magazine, and the great things we can accomplish as a community.

Besides... we know where you bitches live.

Sincerely,

Delicious Benjamin Love
Criplantans

P.S. We also think y'all bitches is hot, so holla!

Pop! Pop!

2008-02-28T12:57:00.000-08:00

There's a turf war rising up in the back streets of the ATL. Seems the city folks are angry at Decatur for letting peeps drink 'til 4am. What started as an innocent egging of Trackside has now turned into a full blown conflict. And it looks like things are about to get worse...

Two Criplantans were seen at the Walmart on Howell Mill stocking up on new Ammo. Guess they really want those Dick-haters to know 2am is it! Watch your back, people. Your antique stores and Ruby Tuesdays ain't got nothing on Atlantic Station.

American Loser

2008-02-28T12:16:00.000-08:00

Today at ATL headquarters, Fantasia Barino has stopped by and is belting out tracks in another room preparing for her upcoming tour. Our office is typically flushed with informants, today being no exception. One of our whistle-blowers, now deaf too, had the following synopsis of her vocal ability..."it's like a wild horse being stabbed over and over". We agree.

Duluth Hookers Revealed

2008-02-23T20:14:00.000-08:00

Everyone remembers the prostitution ring that wreaked havoc amongst Duluth residents back in January of last year. Loud parties, sexily clad women in the driveway, constant cUMings and goings...but it wasn't till den madams, "Melissa Wolf" (former Penthouse Pet) and "Naughty Nikki" got busted on the www for advertising services that ranged from $300 one-hour photo shoots to "dream dates" that included 1 hour sHOws...that feces hit the fan (run-on-sentence).

The Sugarloaf Country Club mansion was raded and months later these LET.ME.SUCK.YOU.RAW residents were indicted on drug, prostitution, and racketeering charges. Oddly enough you thought this story was over...until now.

Exclusively we've learned that top ATL HO-NO's KHutch and LizBo have been questioned by authorities in connection with this ring. Incriminating photos of their excapades were seized when the APD invaded their homes, and we must say, we're pretty convinced these laIDes have definitely been poking someone-not-right's pickle.

Morning Aches

2008-02-21T08:55:00.001-08:00

The Three-Legged Cowboy Club reunited last night for their annual manhole meeting at The Earl. Spies snapped a shot of the events' most flavorful attention-grabbers. After this pic was taken, we're told they backed-up to the bar where they deep-throated Sex on the Beach shooters, then rushed over to Traders for their Buy-One-Take-3/4-Off Sale.

Lip Augmentation?

2008-02-21T08:37:00.002-08:00

Is it just us, or are these two having work done?

Sign This Shit

2008-02-21T07:58:00.000-08:00

You'd think it was 1908 and we were still makin' snake juice in backwoods moonshine stills. But it ain't. It's 2008 and we need to get us some beer on Sundays.

If not for the comment below alone, please sign the petition HERE to allow for Sunday alcohol sales:

"We're clearly going to respond. We have to," said Georgia Christian Coalition President Jim Beck. "We will obviously be letting everybody know the death merchants are back at work."

Do they not know that we're still up Sunday morning so technically it's still Saturday to us!

Sign it.

Who's More Hood?

2008-02-21T07:51:00.000-08:00

-----OR-----

As rival gangs continue to stir up trouble, Atlantans are being forced to pick sides. The city is way scared. These bad motherfuckers are obviously threatening and capable of imposing grave danger on innocent civilians. Be careful out there.

Whose Got Atlanta's Biggest Bulge?

2008-02-07T12:43:00.000-08:00

We sited this local Atlantanite leaving the Golds Gym in Duluth on Tuesday night and couldn't help but notice that his muscles are pumping. We're sure he's put in long hours of hard work, and that steroids have not been a factor. Can you recognize who owns these muscle-pulsing-tan-rocks-of-steal? Find out who after the jump.

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That's right, a drastic change from his normal streetwear look, P. Hill really goes to great lengths to keep his bod undercover. We predict these efforts are for warding off the voluptuous rock star types that he is constantly in contact with. Which look do you prefer? Should P.Hill keep it covered or take it all off?

Wonders of the Web

2008-02-07T08:37:00.000-08:00

Sick Circus Tricks. Make a Donation. http://english.savechinastigers.org/

Local Band Ablaze

2008-01-28T08:43:00.000-08:00

Fresh from a night of rocking The Jinx in Savannah, the All Night Drug Prowling Wolves hit the road early on Sunday in anticipation of arriving back home to Atlanta. What happened next, no one could have expected.

Sources are slowly coming forward to reveal there was a sinister plot brewing to keep the boys from getting home in one piece. As soon as reaching the town of Dublin, the rockers fell victim to an explosive car bomb.

What we're now learning is that rival band, Gentlemen Jesse and His Men, ignited the bomb. Obviously peeved by the Wolves insistance on playing an encore the evening before (a blatant attempt at scene-stealing), Jesse put together an elaborate scheme to shut the rival rockers up. Little did he know, one of his own Men was in the Wolves van - and because of his small stature could have been the first to blow.

However, thanks to Mlo's quick thinking and extensive mechanic experience, all musicians and equipment were removed from the van before the explosion lit up HWY-16.

Authorities and firefighters worked the scene, where all charred remains have been taken into custody. We expect there will be charges filed.

Wonders of the Web

2008-01-25T13:15:00.000-08:00

This is Sylvester Stallone's (a.k.a Rambo's) mom.
She should probably consider some plastic surgery.

Separated at Birth

2008-01-25T08:56:00.000-08:00

We're having some difficulty deciphering whether we should be concerned about one of our favorite local scenesters. However, with anorexia and pot smoking on the rise, it's not worth taking any chances here. It appears local rockstar Mlo's head is shrinking!

We're not sure if the lost size has been transferred to Ben and Joe's very large mugs, or if it's just lost somewhere in the Earl. What we do know is he's gonna have a rough ass time getting that giant cider in his itty bitty mouth.

Local Atlantan Breaks World Record

2008-01-17T19:50:00.000-08:00

It's true, hard to believe. But after an exuberant number of submissions (THIRTEEN), The Guinness Book of World Records has released that a new record has been set. We're pleased and proud to announce that one of Atlanta's own has accomplished what no other could without a very specific genetic nucleotide..."World's Longest Nose"! This is obviously a product of selective breeding and we'll be sure to keep you apprised of any new genetic recombinations and linkages.

Bret Michaels Cancels Rick's Birthday

2008-01-11T12:01:00.000-08:00

It appears that Bret Michael's new quest for love has had a devastating effect on Lay Down Mains guitarist, Rickky. With its immense awesomeness, the second season premiere of Rock of Love has caused half the city to take to their TV sets, totally disregarding Rickky's big three-five. In fact, a recent party made in Rick's honor took a drastic turn when Michaels came onto the scene. All attendees scoffed at Rick's attempt for a steak dinner, opting instead to wear bandanas and drink Bret's Brew.

But, according to a secret source, the lack of interest in Rick's Birthday comes not from Bret's new babes, but rather from the city's disgust at Rickky's recent appointment to Second in Command of the Macon based Kneeloons. Looks like Rickky's tour may just have ended here.

Two Lonely Hearts

2008-01-11T11:37:00.000-08:00

Late last week, two local musicians survived three days stranded in a cave without booze, clean Dickies shirts, or their guitars. They apparently bid their time by writing new lyrics for thier band, such as the soon-to-be #62 hit below:

The forest is green
and I am white.
I'm so sad
there's no El Myr tonight.

When asked what they did to keep warm, both looked at each other and winked. Seems we don't really want to know.

Close Call!

2008-01-11T11:06:00.000-08:00

This just in! Four highly recognizable faces were overcome with toxic pot smoke during a recent trip to the Mountains. After several close calls at the Transylvania County Health Clinic (including a Herpes scare), the foursome headed back to the cabin to relax and repeatedly watch I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

Despite the continuous on-slot of gayness, they did not escape unharmed. Within a few hours, strange effects began to emerge. What, you ask? Well, almost simultaneously they had the sudden urge to put on their pajamas and break out some reggae jams. The secretly taped footage (hence the awkward angle) can be seen below. It was later rumored they all engaged in a nude eating binge, but no proof has been found.

Wonders of the Web

2008-01-05T17:03:00.000-08:00

Meet Snakegirl:

How Many....

2008-01-03T20:16:00.001-08:00

Ching Chong's does it take to fulfill one Brit Brit?

Clit CLAP

2008-01-03T20:10:00.000-08:00

It appears Ben-j-scene's new testosterone injections have caused him to develop an affliction for "The Beneath My Wings" and a miniature erection. Apparently all blow-job simulations point to Yes!

Bangin' In Da Hood

2008-01-03T20:01:00.000-08:00

The latest hairstyle from Ponce to Ponce appears to be bangs-n-bangs. You see what we see muthafuckers?

Award Time

2008-01-03T19:57:00.000-08:00

We at ATLWeekly like giving. This years gift goes to "Hustla of the Year". Here ya go, keep on givin' Shirly Jean!

Reebok or Retard?

2008-01-03T19:45:00.000-08:00

We thought Reeboks lost their pump in the 80's, but apparently their aerobic capacity have made a cumback.

Which ATLrockster is keeping their jazzersize juices a'flowin. Find out after the jump.
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Yep, that would be 1 Matt-T Weave.

Pearl Necklace

2008-01-03T19:39:00.000-08:00

We thought pearl necklaces were made of white, but apparently when projected out the other end, they cum black. Here is proof:

Lost Love

2007-12-13T08:39:00.000-08:00

It is always sad when an obsession meets its fatal end. And this case is no exception. Matty Weave has spent countless nights, and bathroom breaks at the high-end architectural firm he is employed by, thinking of ways to make Jessica Alba coo. Dirty, dirty ways. So when it was reported this week that she is preggers by another man, we at ATLWeekly knew it had deeply penetrated Matty's vulnerable ego, and heart.
We commemorate what once was, 'cause that's how we do.

Props

2007-12-09T11:08:00.001-08:00

We'd like to give a big ups to the dudes over at Dry Ink for winning Atlanta Magazine's Best Webzine. While still a bit miffed we weren't mentioned, we think they deserve this way more than any other asshole blog in this fair city. Way to go guys!

Wonders of the Web

2007-12-09T11:06:00.001-08:00

Trouble in Paradise?

2007-12-07T12:20:00.000-08:00

Could there be trouble brewing between Atlanta's best looking bartender and her door-keeping boy toy?

According to our sources, the answer is yes - there seems to be quite a bit of ice forming between these festive lovers. Recent spys snapped the following pic last weekend, and it looks like J's been Ho, Ho, Ho-in' it with the fat bearded guy. Even more shocking (!!!) is that D's way more into the bitch he's holding than Santa, the Elves, and J's hooch combined. The proof? Later in the day some massive howling was heard coming from behind Aurora. Talk about throwing a dog a bone!

Wonders of the Web

2007-12-07T12:14:00.001-08:00

We'll let y'all figure this one out.

Wonders of the Web

2007-12-06T10:10:00.000-08:00

This is a new daily section where we post random things we find on the internet that may or may not interest you. We really don't care. We're just trying to keep you on the beat.

And now, today's entry:

This is Nicolas Cage's son.

That is all.

Manorexia Mayhem!

2007-12-06T09:11:00.000-08:00

Forget puking and laxative loads. Local heartslob, Ben ThrowHer, has found a new way to stay slim. Never one to turn down a Ho-Ho or Snacky Cake, he’s been keeping his oval-ish figure by performing impromptu street workouts. In fact, last week he was seen doing Kettlebell Thrusts in the El Bar parking lot while saying, “This burns like four calories per second,” and, “How my pecs look? How my pecs look, bitches!!”

And frankly, they look good - all his random pumpin’ has paid off. Not only with the “bitches,” as seen above at local celebutante Lizlow’s Southern Comfort Birthday Party. But he’s also got a series of fitness tapes in the works, all aimed at firming up flabby scensters. According to IMDB, the first release will be entitled "Buff Ben’s Barstool Boxing". Let’s hope that shit’s on iTunes!

Halloween 07' - ATL Style

2007-11-01T16:23:00.000-07:00

Ralph Macchio was there, I ran into Cher. Lenny's was the place to be in Atlanta on Halloween. King Khan & BBQ Show were in town and they were off the hook. Mystery from VH1's Pick Up Artist was seen hitting on a dude in the men's room. Steven Seagal got into a fight with Andy Dick in the parking lot and Ruth Buzzi vomited all over the BBQ Show. Good times. T. Chesh walked out on his tab.

Posers

2007-10-29T16:43:00.000-07:00

Last summer it seemed we just couldn't get enough of Beyonce's pits. She found her signature pose and was hardly photographed without her glowing, slightly stubbled armpits readily exposed to the paps flashes.

We couldn't help but reflect back to Miss. Knowles when we started noticing that two of Atlanta's hottest bachelors, Ben and Joe, began being photographed over and over again with their own staple poses. We're not sure what we want to call this look, but strained, heavy constipation comes to mind.

Beep-Beep-Boop-Beep

2007-10-26T09:02:00.000-07:00

This shit is unbelievable! While perusing photos from a local Fund-Rager to use on the site, we came across this one. At first glance it seems like just another excuse for Liz-bian to do that chin-down, I'm sexy pose. But upon further inspection we realize that Rickkky is sending secret messages to the Kneeloon leaders in Macon. Purportedly named the Zorkons, these high-up have been using El Myr as a satellite to send orders to their robot-like minions.

It's too bad that Rickkky doesn't realize his undercover utterings really just make him look totally gay!

Holy Hell!

2007-10-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

The legendary "Gravity Pub" bid farewell to the ATL bar scene this past Tuesday night. Memories of the once thriving hang-out and music venue have long been defunct...but some still held a special place in their heart for this charming and trashy historical landmark. So, it was no surprise to us when Atlanta's favorite frontman showed up to say "peace out" and throw back a few Corona Lights over an egg salad sandwich and chips. No one ever expected what happened next though. Half-way through his Last Supper, T.Chesh had a holy experience and saw the image of Jesus Christ on his potato chip. Some were skeptical, some weren't believers, but the image below proves otherwise. The chip has been quarantined and T.Chesh is currently developing a website that promotes the unity of bar and church.

Text Just In

2007-10-24T12:13:00.000-07:00

"Who do I talk to, to get a date with Rachael Ray?"

Given the pull that we have in this city, it is no surprise when we receive these types of requests. We would bring you all of the latest details, but protecting our sources and the integrity of all those we cover is #1. And basically, we're just sick of reporting on this over-exposed attention grabber. We hope this Playboy Plummer finally scoops his chef du' jour. We hear she makes a mean Salami Scramble!

Douchebag Sighting!

2007-10-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

Much to our dismay, The Hives landed upon ATLWeekly headquarters this rainy Wednesday afternoon. Reigning from FAGersta, Sweden, and wearing coordinating black and white "outfits", these garage rockers are in town for an upcoming appearance with Maroon 5. How exciting. Anyway, we were all but starstruck to make their acquaintance and it did nothing but leave us wanting some Orbitz Mojito Flavored Gum.
Why can't TomKat stop by?? And we'd sure love to meet Bob & Whit!

Who Wore It Best?

2007-10-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

The annual Macy's Halloween Parade brought out hundreds of locals vying for first place in the customary costume contest. Musicians, artists, and scenesters went extreme trying to work their way to the top prize of $500 in Longhorn Steak House gift certificates. You tell us....who deserves this top honor? Who deserves top sirloin, a baked potato with sour cream only, and a side salad with honey mustard, 31.26 times this next year, as indicated by their current menu pricing? Your vote counts!

Llloyd
Billly
Lizaaa
M.Cccc.
Hollly
Lizbian
Harrrison
KHutch
Danikaaa
Daveee
Paco
The second place winner will receive the following, as advertised on Myspy:

Blog Busted!

2007-10-23T08:46:00.000-07:00

As our photographers leaped out of the bushes to snap this photo of M.lo catching up on his latest ATL buzz...he angrily tried to push the paps out of view. Our lead investigators had been staked out for 4 HOURS as M.lo refreshed over and over hoping for a new post!!!

Spice Up Your Life

2007-10-17T12:40:00.001-07:00

This month is monumental in music history. Not only do we at ATLWeekly mourn the loss of great talents...such as Jam Master Jay of Run D.M.C. fame (D.O.A. 10/30/02), we celebrate the resurrections of musical acts that have forever shaped the industry. So we took our cameras to the streets just as soon as we learned the new 'Spice Girls Greatest Hits' album would be available for pre-order TODAY ONLY!

It is apparent that others know great talent when they see it as well. Our photographer caught ATL's favorite fashion guru, Estella, almost in tears as she learned that her order had gone through and it would be shipped in 7-10 weeks.

Wax Dat Juicy Booty

2007-10-11T17:05:00.000-07:00

After a mad bout of SARS, we thought his thingy would never dingy. But looks like our fave scenester, Tregay, has found a new boy-toy. Didn't take long. Hot off T-fag's stink hole, Tregay has found a new bun for his sausage. We think this relationship is really solid after hearing at a house party the following statement: "You're finer than a ten piece Church's meal."

The connection seemed to be lost after scene-stealer Lizbian tried to infiltrate the paparazzi prick-fest. But obviously the juice was still a'flowin, because overheard when she walked out of the frame was Tregay stating, "She ain't nothin' more than a Supreme Fish Delight fried fish and hushpuppie meal!"

Caught Pink Handed

2007-10-11T15:41:00.000-07:00

Record label mogul, Travis Fagel, was caught late Wednesday afternoon busting out of Nordstrom with a pink Fabrige(TM) bag and Boston Terrier. Obviously unable to evade security with his porn-stache disguise, he was subjected to an anal cavity "exam" for four hours. He was heard screaming in defense, "Get your silky paws off my filthy drawwwls!" Officials say he should be released on bond by Santa's arrival in the food court, estimated November 11th.

Let's Get Your Strap-On

2007-10-11T15:01:00.000-07:00

Statistics show that 9.36% of celebrity relationships don't last. Well, here's some proof in the pudding. Surveillance videos at local Decatur lick fest, My Sister's Room, caught four of ATLesbo-Wannabes in the act. M.C, Liza, Karen, and Erin raved into the wee hours to tunes by Cher, Ricky Martin, and Shakira. Will their significant others throw these hussies to the curb...or will they embrace their leading ladies and join this panty brigade?

This City Can't Take Another Fucking Band

2007-10-10T13:47:00.000-07:00

A new band is currently trying to break on to the already cluttered Atlanta music scene. Hailed as a mix between The Black Lips, The Rent Boys, Jermaine Dupri, The Allman Brothers and New Edition, this 18-member ensemble has a long way to go before gracing the pages of Southeast Performer. Don't take our word for it, see this clash of caca below...

What Were They Thinking?

2007-10-10T13:32:00.001-07:00

Guess who's twin was found wandering the aisles of Burlington Coat Factory at Fiesta Plaza? Yep, none other than K-Fed's one-minute-younger brother. The only way we can tell them apart is the lack of babies sucking on J-Federline's tit. Shit. What are we talking about? We can't even see where his tit's would go in that gay ass outfit!

Fill in the Blank

2007-10-10T13:26:00.000-07:00

Ben and Fuzz discuss the delight of ____________ girls.

Stroke of Genius

2007-10-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

Art has a way of inspiring us at ATLWeekly...and no artist ever before has touched us the way 'Pricasso' (i.e. Tim Patch) does. His tools are unique and long, and his style...wet, with deep strokes. Having painted some of the worlds most famous people including George W. and the Queen of England, it was no surprise to us when he commissioned local starlet K.Hutch to sit while he painted her gorgeous face with his penis.

Where's the Red Bracelet, Man?

2007-10-03T09:19:00.001-07:00

Through a series of late-night wiretaps, we recently discovered that local musician, Rickkky, is a member of the Macon-based religious cult, Kneeloons. Having a freakish fear of balloons and the popping that results from them, we've taken all precautions to avoid him and his excessive talkings of their underground ways.

But we've got even more shocking news! He recently cut off his hair and sold it in the name of his beloved religion during a fit of fanaticism! He apparently got $14.37 for it, which, according to the Party City website, buys you four packets of medium to large balloons.

Oh How the Mighty Have Fallen

2007-10-02T14:03:00.000-07:00

Once one of the most badass restaurateurs and land barons in this fair city, ChuckyP's life has recently taken a hard turn...

According to witnesses, CP attempted a little fret-board fingerdance during a recent after hours affair. This would normally have been nothing to blink at, but apparently he fell so hard into a guitar solo that he began to expose a very demonic part of his soul. He later issued this statement about the experience: "My dad told me chickens don't get cold, just old!"

Soon after his slip into nonsensical musings, the chef-du-jour was found with a knife mighty close to his face. Local members of the Atlanta Rollergirls rushed him to Grady in the back of their ego-filled Honda Element, saving him just before he slipped into the burrows of Hell forever.

So what's next for Chuck P? Does this mean this scene staple is hitting rehab? Or will he hire a sober buddy to live with him the rest of his days? We do hear Rondel is looking for work...

After Dark in the ATL

2007-10-02T13:43:00.000-07:00

Apparently some of our readers have been perusing too much Danielle Steele as of late. We recieved the following email from someone (who asked to remain anonymous) this morning, and lets just say we'd rather eat a naked baby covered in fish semen than think about this really going down.
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I got home from the Star Bar around 2 a.m. last night. Around 7:30 a.m. I was in this freaky underground club having sex with one of the suicide girls who is married to some Iranian dude who doesn't love her any more. The sex was hot, she looked so beatifull underneath the blue lights. We snuck away to a dark corner. At first she leaned over something and let me take her from behind. She then turned to face me and let me press her hard against the black wall covered with old, outdated flyers for punk shows, and millions of staples. Her staring eyes bored deep into my soul as the mischevious smile on her face let me know she often engages in such high risk behaviors and she is just having fun. We hit a good rhythym, and then I woke up.

The greenish morning light was creeping into my bedroom as I lay underneath my comforter. I sighed, bummed I hadn't made a mess climaxing with my sweet black angel, and realizing I was left with a raging hard-on pressed against my black boxer briefs. I conjured her up again as I began to rid myself of my stiff bedfellow. It was over quickly.

As I lay there saying goodbye to my beautifull, tatooed-bettie. Something happened. At first I thought it was her, crossing the depths of my subconcious, swimming her way through to be with me, at least for another round of kinky lovemaking. I thought she had simply flown out of my left ear and bit my right nipple hard. I looked towards her and realized what was really happening was I was being stung by a giant black wasp.

The moral of this story is. I know the weather is getting nice, and you may be tempted to leave the doors or windows open to accept the cooling breezes of the coming fall. But be carefull that you are not letting unwanted pests into you house.

Love is in the Hair

2007-10-02T07:27:00.000-07:00

Custody Disputes. A Bitter Divorce Battle. Claims of Drug Abuse.
No other couple quite says dysfunction like Denise and Charlie...at least not until now!

It's no surprise that Denise recently asked Char for some sperm to pack full her oven with another bun. But, after he refused to comply and waged an intense smear compaign against her, Denise is fighting back. Her publicist has confirmed that not only is Deni preggers, but she's in love with her babies manny and ready to move on with her life. A fairy tale ending? Not quite.

Multiple sources are claiming that baby daddy/manny is no other than....Benjamin Thrower Jr., the illegitimate first son of THE Atl-super-celeb, Ben Thrower. After an intensive background check, we have confirmed that Ben Sr. has not only been married four times previously (to women), but has six other children...not including Lindsay Loran.

This will be Ben Jr's. first child and Denise's third. Jr. released a statement this morning stating that he and Denise will wed before the birth of their baby girl...appropriately named Benise.

Party of Love

2007-10-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

On the wake of their one year anniversary, The Cheshire's still know how to make headlines. Photographed on Sunday at their 'Rock of Love' finale party, it seems this couple brings new meaning to "refreshment break". Rumors have been circulating for months now that these two are ready to start a family. Will they join the ranks of other celebrigays by adopting like Barlow? Or will these two do it the ol' fashioned way?

Lindsay Loran Revealed!

2007-09-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

This just in y'all...pictures of Lindsay Loran have been released. And we at ATLWeekly are the first to get the exclusive photos of this already shining star! There's no denying power-player couple Ben and Marlow were involved at hand-pickin' this darlin-baby-punkin-pie. Although paid for, we have to say she bears a striking resemblance to these proud new diva daddies!

Sorry Dudes

2007-09-07T11:27:00.001-07:00

We at ATLWeekly (TM) would like to offer our sincerest apologies for not updating the last few weeks. We've been in LA negotiating with TMZ about representing our site globally. We need a few more days rest, then we'll be back - bringing you the freshest goss in the ATL.

Ro-De-Ho

2007-08-24T09:17:00.000-07:00

Our moles have learned that Rodeo, from "Rock of Love with Brett Michaels" fame, showed up at the Star Bar last night during a show featuring local Atlanta bands. Obviously wasted, (we suspect a combo of booze, coke, and steroids) she was parading around screaming "RODEO'S IN THE HOUSE".

Eyewitnesses report that what was even more alarming were her continuous blatant attempts to seduce a man that may or may not have been William Zabka (i.e. bad boy Johnny Lawrence from Karate Kid as well as the lead in Python II). Obviously attempting to date up, we're curious to see if Rodeo can lasso herself this dreamboat.

Whose Rack is That?

2007-08-21T12:40:00.001-07:00

This socialite has been seen all over town recently flashing her obviously enhanced lady parts. We see what a perfect job your plastic surgeon did, but do you really need to be such an attention whore? Find out who can't stop begging for attention after the jump...

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Yep, that's right...Alpo Dog Food heiress, C.Cook just can't stay out of the spotlight. She's been seen all over town canoodling with countless eligible (and ineligible) bachelors. They claim Alpo is for "the real meat lover in the family"...seems to me Miss. Cook was raised according to family tradition.

A Word From Our Sponsors

2007-08-21T07:28:00.000-07:00

Thank you to Coleman, the greatest name in camping gear, for showing that their air mattresses are not only fun, but sturdy. New fathers Marlow and Ben take a break from newly adopted daughter, Lindsay Loran, by enjoying a night out on the pavement of their Midtown apartment.
These glowing life-partners are obviously here to stay!

Dicks in Vick

2007-08-20T13:58:00.000-07:00

We here at ATLWeekly are committed to reporting up-to-date credible news that not only entertains you, but educates you. In light of the recent charges against Michael Dwayne Vick, we'd like to extend our high hopes that....for the rest of his living years, he shites blood from being gang raped up the ass repeatedly while in prison.
That is all.

Who Wore It Best?

2007-08-20T11:35:00.001-07:00

With the success of Dancing With the Stars, Billy Ray has taken the fashion world by storm. J.C. Penney reported record sales so far this August...and the months not over!!! So you tell us...which of these latest trendsetters wore it best?

Celebrity Sighting!

2007-08-09T12:27:00.000-07:00

Which way-past-ex's were caught canoodling at a local Joe's Crab Shack? Why none other than Mr. and Ms. Bobby Brown. We can only imagine the conversation went something like this:

Whit: Damn, Bob, we high.
Bobby: Yeah, girl. You should get out there and shake the shack.
Whit: You mean we in a shack? Shack is whack!
Bobby: Oh, shut it bitch. Give me 'dem crabs.

Local eyewitnesses snapped this photo, which we promptly stole from TMZ. We can't be everywhere, all-right?!

Double Dose of Dave

2007-08-09T11:41:00.000-07:00

An undisclosed source informs us that local artist, David P, is being stalked by a man that looks just like him. The only discerning difference is the imposter's red, burning eyes. We don't know about you, but that throwback Thriller shit ain't cutting it these days. Dude needs to toss some ice water on those retinas before trying to mimic our man!

It's On!

2007-08-09T10:22:00.000-07:00

Despite a calm few days, it looks like our favorite fuedsters aren't ready to lay anything to rest just yet. Local Liverdude, Matty Weave, took his anger to the stage to let us know he ain't going down without a real fight. Will Ben seek retaliation...or quietly accept their fate as eternal frenemies?

Thank You Dry Ink!

2007-08-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

We, at ATLWeekly, would like to extend our deepest thanks to our friends and colleagues at Dry Ink Magazine for hooking us up with our first advertisement! We'd also like to thank Matty Weave for his amazing photoshop abilities. He almost killed us after five drafts...he used the word "Christ" a lot when we requested changes...but wasn't it worth it?!

So, go check em' out...they rock. DRY INK

Foes Not Bros? What Happened???

2007-08-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

In happier times, you could often see Ben and Matty together discussing important issues such as up-and-coming popular baby names or having a friendly debate over Whole Foods versus Trader Joes.
So, what happened to these former bff's? Insiders tell us that after an intense fight ensued at a local nightspot, Ben put the final nail in the coffin by screaming "Blondie Crotch" to Matt, drawing unwanted attention and provoking what looks to be a major rift that could forever impact the scene. An anonymous reader captured these pictures of the ex-duo having it out.

Dark, Disturbing, and Dangerously Hip

2007-08-02T12:54:00.000-07:00

Former American Idol semi-finalist Laura Scott sure adds new meaning to "cutting edge". Never one to leave her party girl image behind (remember the Rob Schneider scandal?), she was seen at El Bar late into the wee hours on Tuesday. Since becoming the new face of Ross, this red-head keeps us guessing. What will she do next?

Shocking and Unbelievable!

2007-08-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

After 12 hours of intensive monitoring, it has been reported that K-Hutch is finally out of the I.C.U. after being knocked upside the head by a walnut Wednesday afternoon.

Eyewitnesses claim that prior to the perpetrator being identified, K-Hutch professed that a homeless man had thrown a rock at her head. Apparently a squirrel was spotted moments later playing overhead.

Nobody Puts Mama in the Corner

2007-08-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

Fresh out of rehab, seems like Matt-T is up to his old tricks. After winning an Emmy for his portrayal of Jacque Burman on the hit daytime series General Hospital, Matt-T seemed unable to handle his new heart throb status by turning to hookers and hooch.

Always eager to steal the spotlight, his famewhore mom, Liz-Z tries once again to shield her son from the press only to draw attention to herself.
Denial, denial, denial...seems these two apples fell from the same tree.

Celebrity Sighting!!!!!

2007-07-26T19:28:00.000-07:00

Obviously Ellen Degenerate is scared about her upcoming nuptials, but local Dick-Hater resident, Karen, is all stars when it comes to their pending wedding. We'll see how this beef-licking festival turns out!

BlueBlock Shock!

2007-07-26T19:08:00.000-07:00

Local BlueBlocker, Billy Inman, was recently grossed out by feeling Atlanta's hairiest man. Little does he know, Ben just got the role as ZINC(tm) wearing lifeguard on the 'Rock of Love'. Don't threaten' him with a good time.

Atlanta's Newer Rage: Milking in Public

2007-07-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

Upstaging the Suffocation rage, it seems Milking in Public has taken the city by storm. StaTITstics show nipple tweaking has a stronger response rate than not breathing - as demonstated here by areaola lovers D-Man and Ju-Lia.

Cheating With Atlanta's Hairiest Man

2007-07-26T18:46:00.000-07:00

Puerto Rican Princess Liza M. caught silencing a phone call from boyfriend Davey while hanging out with local playboy, Ben ThrowHer. Can this Atlanta Diva weave through a sea of hair to find true love? Of course - it's near impossible to flutter through that soft, luscious, heaven-made tuft without being struck by cupid's bow.

Manorexia or Just a Hot Dog (Sandwich)? You Decide.

2007-07-26T18:39:00.000-07:00

Local Bulemics Beware! You thought you had support, but two of the top thinsters were recently caught with street meat oozing from their fists. Guess who won't be fittin' in their period jeans this month? That many carbs makes size 6 look like a 2!

That wall of hair ain't hiding nothin', honey!

A Word From Our Sponsors

2007-07-26T18:23:00.000-07:00

We'd like to give props to Oral B Stages for turning local musicians Tom and Ben from this...

To this...

Thanks Oral-B Stages!

Whose Knees Dee's Be?

2007-07-20T13:41:00.000-07:00

After spending many late nights in compromising positions, it's no wonder the signs of heavy wear have taken there toll on this Atlanta hot shot. Can you name these knees??? Find out who after the jump.

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That's right, it's our very own favorite Liverheart! Looks like Matty had some time to let his legs rest on the lap of another Atlanta scenester during a local Rob's House show. We're just glad to see that even at rest, Matty never stops practicing the things he does best.

Now That's Some Dangerous Lovin'

2007-07-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

Fresh from her relationship with Richard Grieco (of Jump Street fame), Sharpy was seen getting cozy with nightclub singer, Tom Cheshire. Seeing as their relationship (yet to be confirmed) is only a few hours old, we're gonna have to question who that baby bump belongs to. Will it come out with the voice of an angel - or is it destined to be Greico's eternal leftovers?

Fight!

2007-07-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

His band may be prowling wolves, but All Night Drug Prowling Wolves guitarist Marlow Sanchez is just prowling mad. He was caught at Savannah hotspot, The Crab Shack, shouting at the paparazzi to leave him and fellow band members alone while they fed the alligators. Seems this level headed Mexican can get mighty spicy at times!

Name that Couple

2007-07-11T10:43:00.000-07:00

It's time to name the latest duo seen around the ATL! With rising starpower, these two psudeo-celebs are in desperate need of a notable new name.

And the choices are:

Rim and Sting Me
Barlow
Men
Hair and Bare
Throwez
Stick It, Then Pick It
Two Men and, oh, that's it
Rub-n-Chubb

Cast your votes now!

Go Back to Hollywood, Baby

2007-07-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

Who are these people and why are they at ElMyr? Really, why?

New Romance Blossoming

2007-07-11T10:19:00.000-07:00

Local celeb-fucker, Ben Thrower, lets Trey down easy as he tells him that, yes, in fact, he did once fornicate with that Asian girl from Rushmore.

What makes Throw-her so doable? We think it must be because he was thisclose to taking the lead in Pet Cemetary 2.

Blind Item

2007-07-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

Which Atlanta scenesters - both of whom are married - were seen tearing it up on the dancefloor (literally) at North Georgia club, The Blue Ridge?

And, according to eyewitness accounts, it wasn't pretty.

A Guess Who?

2007-07-11T09:55:00.001-07:00

The identity of an Atlanta area man was masked as he and another local gay decided to take their relationsip under(the)covers. There's no foolin' us, Bandana Face. We know one of them boy lovers when we see one.

Breaking News

2007-04-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

ATL Weekly has obtained exclusive information that four of Atlanta's most notorious scenesters are fleeing the country TOMORROW. Unaware of their destination at press time, we can only report that Liz, Ben, Dustan and Joe are heading to Mexico in an attempt to escape the wrath of Lenny's and The Earl. Yet, can a trip to the Land of Beans really cleanse them of cigarette smoke and PBR? We'll have to wait 9 days to find out!